Well made it through the rain

Ok so I know strange title to use right.....

But after all the things that happened I felt like I was in a down pour and the rain was to much to take at the time. So I wanted to let the very few people who come here to read about my crazy world to know I am still alive and kicking.

Another Day

Ok, so I told my other boss Erich that Iwas at the lake house and what had happened. Come to find out, I am not the first one to report/say this. Aunt Jannie was there 2 weeks ago and said that the same side door had just come open on her as well. The cleaning lady told Erich that she went over to clean, but when she opened the front door that she felt such a strong feeling of Ken, so strong that she didn't want to come back to that house to clean.

So since I told him all this I said I would go and replace the side door lock set and would clean the house for him. I am going to start working on getting it ready for sale. I want to go there during the day light time to talk with Ken and to see if I can get him to leave the house. To let it become the house of peace that once was. Iwant to secure the house so that nothing can happen to it.

Still Depressed/Angry

Well seems I can't get over all that has happened in the past month. It seems the closer I get to my 37th birthday the more I feel depressed and angry over the loss of Ken. I can't explain what it is, but that I am so sad and angry. Then on top of it all, today I was going through my video tapes and the first time I went to Lake Gaston to Ken and Erich's house was on there. I saw this video and it just made me feel so empty and alone.

Erich, Ken and I are/were all born in the same year, 1971 and this was our 37th birthday for all 3 of us. I feel Ken cheated me out of the wonder time together. We had made plans to be able to spend this birthday of mine together since they were moving to FL, little did I know that Ken would cheat us of all the happiness we were to share. I mean we were so close to one another in many ways, even if at times I felt Ken didn't care for me, I knew deep down that he did, cause he would let it show at the time when I needed him the most.

For some reason today I felt this very strong need to go to the lake house of their's where Ken took his life. I took Johnathn with me as the last time we were there was the night Ken took his life. Which was Sept. 13th on his 37th birthday. Well when we got there, I was amazed at how the plants around there had taken off and filled out so good. I could tell Ken was still around taking care of the place. While there, we walked down to the boat dock to cover the boat and raise it and the jet skies up enough so that they wouldn't be damaged. Then walked back up to the house and just looked around at all the plants and Ken's roses and how filled out they looked. I told Ken that they were well taken care of and could tell he was still looking over them. Then as we were getting ready to leave, for some reason I checked all the doors again, and this time the side door to the house came open like someone was opening it for me to come in. I lost it and couldn't take it, The lock was so hard to get to locked again and I just felt Ken's anger in full force. I felt my chest and throat tighten and felt his rage so strong. I know that something has to be done to get Ken to make peace and to leave that house. How do I know this, cause I know in my heart that what I felt inside of me was real, no matter what others think, or might think I am crazy to say this, but I believe fully in crossing over and the peace they must feel to cross over. How do I try to explain it so you wont think I have went over the deep end, I don't know how too, but trust me, just because this sounds crazy to you, I really am sane and have always been able to tell of deaths in my family and strange things that have happened. I knew of my own mother passing, my aunt, my grandmother, my uncle. I have always knew these things and other things that have happened before anyone else in my family. They always were so shocked to hear me say these things to them, as they were not around me when they found out and they asked how did you know. I just did. So Ken, I know you have tapped into me and telling me something. Know I love you and miss you.

Newest Updates

Well life has been ups and downs these past couple months now. Its been a very rough time to deal with somethings that have happened here in Zebulon NC.

Yes, I now live in Zebulon and not Middlesex.....LOL ok so there is only 5 miles apart from each other but still I have a new home and been here almost a month now.....WOW!!!!!!!!!
I still work at the same place and this time I am only 3 minutes from there instead of 20.....Even Better!!!!!!!

I got so tired of working on a place that I was never going to own and never going to enjoy like a home. So I found a nice 3 bedroom home intown in Zebulon which only cost me another 125.00 to live there. Also I can do whatever I want to the place......SO COOL So out with the old and in with the new..... I love it!!!

But its been rough getting to this point as I had to deal with the move, the transfer of all phone, cable, ect.......YYYYUUUUUKKKKK
But on top of that on Sept. 13th one of the guys I worked for for the past 4 years ended his life on his 37th birthday. This alone took a big toll on me, I was so close to these guys and knew them for the past 9 years. I would never have thought Ken would ever give up on life and just toss it all away. Ken was what you would call a smart man. He had the world and then some.
I can't get over the way he just didn't care how his death would go and hurt the ones he left behind to pick up the parts. I am so F****** Pissed off at him. I told them I wanted to open his urn of ashes and Pee in them for what he done to us. So selfish to do this to people who love someone so much. I am also hurt that the 3 of us are all turing 37 this year and he done this on his birthday. Mine is the last in line to come and I don't even want to see that day come around as its only going to hurt that I am 37 and I don't have my friend here to share it with. So this year I think I am going to forget Oct 31 2008 and skip that day.
Scott

WOW Two in one day......Take Note Hallie

Ok, even with me being sick, I still have to get on here and start talking again....You didn't think I was a one shot wonder did you???? Well!!!!!! I'm waiting.

Ok I have to update my family tree of doggies here at the Crazy house on Twin Oak. Miss Carrie The Southern Goddess of Raleigh has went to her forever home......Boy that was a hard one to let go, but I did it. My little girl grew her wings and became the bright butterfly she was meant to be. So for the past month I have only had my kids living here with me, well that is about to change big time. Four little long doggies were taken to the local shelter and guess who saved them????? YEPPERS ME ME ME ME!!!!!!! Now here is the kick to all this. I saved 4, but 2 are already going to forever homes, even before they came home to me. See they gave me such good price on vetting that I had all 4 done there at the shelter for only 60.00 each....... DAMN GOOD PRICE!!!!! So my little 6 month old Feely is being adopted by a lady at a local vets office. They other is going to a older lady who is a home maker and doesn't have the kids to worry over. So now she has her a little Fran to play mother too. So that leaves me with the two crazy males.......What is it about males???? Are all males just crazy?

Ok this part is for the sweet wonderful family who adopted my very first foster..........Mr Chauncey Monster....LOL They seem to think that he has been taken over by a force not of this world.... Now please look at this picture, does he look like a little sweet Dachshund that has had the devil take over his sweet little body? LOL YES HALLIE I STOLE IT.........LOL

Well you thought so........

LOL, Well you thought I would never make it back to my blog did ya???? NOT!!!! I could never do such a thing. Though with the flu this past weekend and the rescue of 4 little long stinkers. I was ready to say oh well.... But then I thought now wait a second here. I have to do this, if not for me then at least for the dogs. They need to be heard too right. Yeah thats its, its them telling me what to write about, not the little voices in my head telling me. Or are they the little voices I hear???? Note to self........Less Nite Quil during the day time.... So anyway. I have four new babies coming home this weekend.

Trying To Find Time Again

I know I haven't been around to blog very much, but its been crazy as ever around here. Between work, the kids, and going back and forth to doctors. It can just wear you out.... Seems that all the vets who want you to jump and how high they say, has been on my butt the past couple weeks and most are you have to bow to me, kiss my butt, do what I want, when I want and how I want....but hey it pays the bills, even if you have to scrape the brown off your nose each day.

I still have all my kids, yeah all 4 dogs, and my 2 cats, then on top of them.....I have one crazy yappy Pappy.....She is just so darn sweet, so many changes have come about from her. Its just amazing to see her today, from the month or so ago when she came into my life to be my first foster Pap. Then I just got in another little guy, Mr. Lou Bug, I swear at times he is just so dang sweet, you just want to wrap him in your arms and keep him forever. Then, you take his picture and a little guy comes back to mind. He was my first foster Mr Chauncey Monster. I still miss the little chit..... But he is happy with his forever family.